Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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