Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
