big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
