I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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