I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
