Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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