Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
