Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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