I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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