This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
