I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
