I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
