We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
