sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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