im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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