So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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