You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
