His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
