some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
