I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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