xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
