so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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