As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize