I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just had sex on a roof
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
