Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
