did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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