I want to have your abortion
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
