idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
