i think my mom watched the whole time
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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