9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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