if you like me you must not know who I am
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i love accidental penises.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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