To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
