She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i now understand why vodka
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
