He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Panties = found
Randomize
