The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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