What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
