Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.