she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?