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Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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