Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
