I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
