Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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