when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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