They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
