Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
