who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
