You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
