I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
