Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
