I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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