then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
