mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
