Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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