I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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