Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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