my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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