Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
