she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
