Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
