Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am available for nakedness
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
