Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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