i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
