there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
