So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
