im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
