Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
